AITA for not being friendly with my partner’s daughters now that they've "warmed up" to me

AITA For Refusing To Be Friendly With My Partner’s Daughters Now That They’ve “Warmed Up” To Me?

After years of being treated like a gold digger by her partner’s daughters, one woman is refusing to play nice now that they’ve discovered she’s actually the one keeping their father afloat — not the other way around.

The OP (42F) has been dating Tim (59M), a widower, for several years. “I know what it looks like — banker dates bartender,” she wrote. “But he’s broke as a joke and I’ve got a trust fund. So, actually, no.”

Tim’s financial problems aren’t because he’s reckless — they’re the result of years of medical bills. His late wife battled cancer three separate times, and he drained everything to get her treatment. “He ran up six credit cards, took out a second mortgage, cashed out his retirement — all to keep her alive long enough to see both daughters married,” OP explained.

When “Family” Becomes Frostbite

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Tim’s daughters live six hours away, and for the past two Christmases, he and OP made the long drive to spend time with them. Both times, the visits turned into cold wars. “They ignored me completely,” OP said. “Dragged Tim away when he tried to include me and even stopped their husbands from talking to me by interrupting whenever I spoke.”

The first year, Tim scolded them, and they offered a lukewarm apology — to him, not to OP. Their excuse? “It’s hard seeing Dad with someone who isn’t Mom.” The second year, they repeated the same behavior. So this year, OP drew the line: “I told Tim he could go see them, but I wasn’t going again. Not to be ignored for a third time.”

The Car, The Call, And The Chaos

Tim didn’t love the idea — not because he disagreed, but because he needed help with the drive. His back pain makes long trips tough. So OP, wanting to make it easier for him to visit, leased him a luxury car through her brother’s dealership.

When Tim told his daughters about the car, they *exploded*. They accused him of spending their mother’s money on “a bimbo bartender” and “showing off.” In that heated moment, they learned the truth — there *was* no life insurance policy, no inheritance, and no hidden money. Just debt, foreclosure notices, and years of financial strain.

“They had no idea he’d mortgaged everything for their mother’s treatment. They thought I was living off their inheritance — not the other way around.”

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“Now They Want My Number”

Once the truth came out, everything changed. The daughters suddenly wanted to “make things right.” They asked for OP’s number and even suggested coming to stay next summer — conveniently, at her beachside house. OP wasn’t buying it.

“They want to visit now that they know I’m not poor. I told Tim absolutely not about giving out my number. I’ll be polite if they visit him, but we are not going to be friends.”

Tim thinks she’s being harsh — that his daughters would have “warmed up eventually” and just misunderstood. But OP stands firm: “They had their chance to not be catty brats over incorrect assumptions. I’m not their villain, but I’m not their friend either.”

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Reddit overwhelmingly sided with OP, saying that forgiveness isn’t mandatory just because the truth came out. Many pointed out how the daughters’ sudden friendliness only appeared after they realized she was wealthy — not when they thought she was “beneath” them.

“They didn’t have a change of heart. They had a change of *information*.”

“You’re not required to befriend people who humiliated you twice just because they now see dollar signs.”

“You’ve been nothing but gracious. They can earn back respect — not access to your beach house.”

Some commenters did urge compassion, noting that grief can make people act terribly. But even they agreed that OP’s boundaries were justified — especially after years of disrespect.

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🌱 Final Thoughts

Money didn’t change who OP was — it only revealed who the daughters were. Now that the mask is off, she’s choosing peace over performance. Sometimes forgiveness means wishing someone well — from far, far away.

What do you think?
Should OP give her partner’s daughters another chance, or keep her boundaries where they belong? Share your thoughts below 👇

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