AITA for not being friendly with my partners daughters now that they've "warmed up" to me

AITA for Refusing to Be “Friends” With My Boyfriend’s Daughters After They Accused Him of Using Their Late Mother’s Money on Me?

A 42-year-old woman dating a widower faces backlash from his adult daughters, who spent years treating her coldly—only to change their tune when they realized she wasn’t after his money.

I’m (42F) dating Tim (59M). He’s a widower who works in banking; I’m a bartender. I know what people assume when they see us together. His daughters did too—they thought I was some gold digger chasing their dad’s money. Joke’s on them: Tim’s broke as a joke, and I’m the one with the trust fund.

He’s broke because his late wife had cancer—three times. He maxed out six credit cards, took a second mortgage, and drained his retirement to pay for her treatments. He did everything he could just to give her a few more years, enough to see both of their daughters married. After she passed, he was left drowning in debt.

His daughters live about six hours away. We’ve spent the past two Christmases driving there. Each time, they’ve ignored me completely. They drag Tim away when he tries to include me in conversation, talk over me when I try to chime in, and even made their husbands avoid speaking to me. The first year, Tim called them out—they apologized, but only to him, blaming it on their grief. The second year, it happened again.

“She Opened My Birthday Gift Before I Even Saw It”

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This year, I told Tim I wouldn’t go again. I’d never stop him from seeing his daughters for Christmas, but I wasn’t about to spend another holiday being treated like a ghost. He didn’t love the idea—he likes when I drive part of the trip since his back gets sore—but I was firm.

His car is a 2010 deathtrap, so I surprised him by leasing a luxury SUV from my brother’s dealership. I figured it would make the long drives easier. Tim was thrilled and called his daughters, telling them how much easier it would be to visit now.

That’s when they blew up. They accused him of “spending Mom’s money on some bimbo bartender” and said he never offered them a dime for their weddings. They had no clue he’d burned through everything trying to save their mother—or that he was facing foreclosure until he moved in with me.

“They thought I was after their inheritance. Turns out, I’m the one keeping their father out of bankruptcy.”

“Now They Want to Visit the Beach House”

Once the truth came out—that it was my house, my money, and my generosity keeping Tim comfortable—they suddenly changed their tune. They texted him saying they were “sorry I felt lonely” during the holidays and wanted to “make things right.” They even asked for my number and suggested visiting next summer since I live near the beach.

I told Tim absolutely not. They don’t get my number, and if they visit, I’ll be civil—but that’s it. I have no interest in playing happy family with people who spent years snubbing me because they assumed the worst. If they’d talked to me for even two minutes, they would’ve realized I’m not pretending to be rich. I just am. And I make no apologies for it.

“They weren’t sorry about how they treated me. They were sorry about being wrong.”

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Drawing the Line

Tim thinks I’m being too harsh. He believes they would’ve come around eventually, and now that they understand the situation, they’re “warming up faster.” Maybe so. But I don’t care whether it’s now or later—their behavior was cruel and rooted in entitlement. I’m not interested in second chances that are only motivated by guilt or convenience.

They had years to treat me like a person. They chose not to. I won’t reward that with friendship or access to my home. I told Tim I’ll always respect his relationship with his daughters, but they’ll never be part of mine.

“Forgiveness isn’t the same as letting people back in. I can be polite—but I don’t owe them closeness.”

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💬 Reddit’s Take:

“NTA. They weren’t sorry for what they did—just sorry they were wrong about you being rich.”

“They ignored you when they thought you were broke, and now they want beachfront access? No thanks.”

“You’re protecting your peace, not punishing them. Tim can have a relationship with his daughters; you don’t have to.”

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🌱 Final Thoughts

Sometimes, people only come around when they realize they misjudged your worth—and that’s not genuine reconciliation, it’s convenience. This woman isn’t closing the door on family; she’s simply refusing to reopen wounds that never should’ve been inflicted. Respect is earned, not granted retroactively.

What do you think?
Should she give Tim’s daughters another chance—or keep her boundaries firm? Share your thoughts below 👇