AITAH for telling my friend maybe she shouldn't have kids she can't afford?

October 24, 2025

AITAH For Telling My Friend Maybe She Shouldn’t Have Kids She Can’t Afford?

When a discussion about childcare costs turned heated, one friend’s blunt honesty about financial responsibility caused a rift — was it cruel or just realistic?

I (25F) was out with friends, including one (28F) who’s pregnant with her third child. The topic turned to childcare, and she said she planned to hire a full-time nanny. She explained she wanted someone who could:

Have a college degree
Be CPR/first-aid certified
Watch three kids (two under 10, plus a baby on the way)
Do light housekeeping — dishes, sweeping, mopping once a week
Do laundry and run errands

Basically, a nanny and household manager rolled into one.

The Problem: $200 a Week

When I asked how much she planned to pay, she said — $200 a week. I laughed at first, thinking she was joking. But she wasn’t. I asked, “$200 for 10 hours a day, Monday through Friday?” She said yes.

I told her, “You’re asking someone with a degree to raise three kids, clean your house, and run errands — for less than minimum wage. You can’t do that.” She got defensive, saying daycare was too expensive and this was her “only option.”

Then she said, “Well, it’ll probably be a college student or someone living with their parents — they won’t need much money.” I replied, “Even college students deserve a livable wage.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have kids you can’t afford.”

It just slipped out. She called me insensitive and said I was shaming her for having kids. That wasn’t my intent — I just couldn’t believe she thought underpaying someone was okay.

When “Options” Run Out

She kept repeating that daycare is expensive and she had “no other choice.” I brought up birth control, her husband getting a vasectomy, or other precautions, but she dismissed them all — blaming healthcare costs and access. Finally, I said, “Then maybe don’t have s_x,” and she replied, “I shouldn’t have to put s_x on hold.”

That’s when I said it again, maybe more bluntly: “Then maybe you shouldn’t have kids if you can’t afford them.” It wasn’t about judging her as a mom — it was about the reality of financial responsibility. But I could tell I crossed a line for her.

The Debate: Brutal Honesty or Insensitivity?

Some friends said I was right — she’s trying to exploit cheap labor and needs a wake-up call. Others said I was cruel and that it’s not my place to tell anyone whether they should have children.

I know it came out harsh, but I also think sugarcoating doesn’t help when someone’s planning to underpay another person and refuses to face their financial reality.

💬 Reddit’s Verdict (Typical Reactions)

“You didn’t say it to be cruel — you said it because she’s trying to exploit cheap labor.”

“It’s not about judging her — it’s about being realistic about what childcare costs.”

“If you can’t pay a living wage for a nanny, you can’t afford a nanny. Period.”

🌱 Final Thoughts

Sometimes, brutal honesty lands harder than intended — but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Financial responsibility and fair pay matter, and sometimes a tough conversation can be the reality check someone needs.

What do you think?
Was I out of line for saying it, or was it a necessary truth? Share your thoughts below 👇

Friends