AITA For Telling My Girlfriend I Can’t Stay If She Takes Custody Of Her Brother’s Kids?
He thought he was building a future with the woman he’d marry — until her family crisis turned their home into a childcare center overnight. Now, one court hearing could decide not just the fate of two children, but the end of a relationship he never wanted to lose.
The OP (male, 20s) has been with his girlfriend for over a year. Six months ago, they moved in together, and for the first time, he says, everything felt right. “She’s the one I thought I’d marry someday,” he wrote. But all of that changed in a matter of days — when her brother lost custody of his two children.
CPS removed the kids after two separate reports — one from a neighbor and one from an ex-girlfriend. OP’s girlfriend immediately stepped up to take them in to keep them out of foster care. One of the kids is autistic, nonverbal, and prone to self-harming meltdowns. The other is still a toddler. “They need therapy, structure, stability — and right now, they have none of it,” OP said.
“I Didn’t Sign Up For This Life”
For now, the children are already living in their apartment. Because OP works from home, he’s the one caring for them most days. “I’ve been helping because I care about her,” he said, “but I told her if she takes them permanently, I can’t stay. I didn’t sign up for this life — sudden, unplanned, and with no safety net.”
His girlfriend makes $16 an hour, their rent is $1,500, and they already have multiple pets. Relatives have offered to “help,” but OP knows from experience that help like that fades once the reality sets in. “These kids need more than love,” he wrote. “They need time, money, energy, structure — and we don’t have it.”
Love Meets Reality
The two had a painful talk. OP told her he loved her but couldn’t stay if she chose full custody. “That was brutal to say,” he admitted. “She shut down after that. I tried to hold her hand, but she went completely still — emotionally checked out. I think she resents me now.”
“I’m not trying to abandon her. But I also can’t get locked into a life I know I don’t want.”
He says she’s holding out hope that her brother will eventually take the kids back — but he’s seen the pattern. “He won’t. And if she takes them, she’ll be doing it alone. And if I’m still here, I’ll get pulled into that — whether I want to or not.”
The Choice No One Wants To Make
The court hearing is tomorrow. In less than a week, OP’s entire future has flipped upside down. “This was a good relationship,” he said. “I wasn’t looking for a way out. I still love her. But if she chooses this, she’s choosing something that makes it impossible for me to stay.”
“Part of me wants to stick it out — but I know this could mean lifelong custody and care. And I’m not built for that.”
He says his heart breaks not just for the relationship, but for the kids — who didn’t ask for any of this either.
Reddit commenters were divided — some empathized with OP’s honesty, others called him heartless. Many pointed out that stepping away before resentment builds is kinder than staying and breaking down later. Others said his girlfriend was being selfless, but also unrealistic about what she could handle alone.
“Love doesn’t always survive logistics. You can love her and still know this life isn’t for you.”
“You’re not abandoning her. You’re acknowledging your limits before resentment destroys everything.”
“Sometimes love means walking away — not because you don’t care, but because you know you can’t give what’s needed.”
Others shared stories of taking in relatives’ children and how it changed every part of their lives — financially, emotionally, and relationally. “You’re right to think hard about this,” one wrote. “Because once you say yes, there’s no going back.”
🌱 Final Thoughts
This isn’t a story about villains — it’s about timing, responsibility, and the brutal intersection between love and reality. OP’s girlfriend is trying to do the right thing. So is he. But sometimes, two good hearts can still want completely different lives — and that’s a heartbreak no one can fix.
What do you think?
Was OP wrong for setting boundaries, or right for being honest before it’s too late? Share your thoughts below 👇
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