AITA for Teaching My Daughters About Periods When Their Mom Called Me “Perverted”?
When my 12-year-old got her first period and couldn’t reach her mom, I did my best to step up as a dad. But when my ex finally called back, she accused me of being “sick,” I lost my temper, and our daughters saw and heard everything.
I’m a 37-year-old dad raising three girls—8, 10, and 12—mostly on my own after their mom walked out for another man when our youngest was around four. She still pays child support and calls sometimes, but I’m the day-to-day parent. A few weeks ago, I discovered blood on my oldest’s underwear while doing laundry and realized she’d started her period without any guidance, after trying and failing to get her mom on the phone. I reassured her, found online resources, took her to the store so she could choose what she was comfortable using, and then turned it into a positive “girls’ night” with all three daughters to help them feel prepared instead of scared.
From my perspective, I was just a dad trying to protect my daughters from feeling ashamed and alone during something completely normal, but when their mom finally called back and accused me of being “sick” and “perverted” for talking about periods with them, years of frustration over her absence boiled over and I snapped in front of the very kids I’ve tried so hard not to hurt.
My ex left when our youngest was four, and since then I’ve been the full-time parent while she sends money and phones in every so often. I teach kindergarten, my mom has dementia, and her side of the family openly calls me a “l*_ser,” so I don’t lean on them. When I saw the blood on my 12-year-old’s underwear, she broke down and said she’d tried calling her mom with no response and had been shoving toilet paper in her underwear, hoping it would be enough. I told her there was nothing shameful about periods, we looked up resources together, and I let her choose products that fit her lifestyle—she picked Playtex Sport because she’s a gymnast—and then, with her help, I walked my 10- and 8-year-olds through what to expect so they wouldn’t be blindsided later. It ended up being a surprisingly sweet, empowering night for the four of us.
“I explained to her that periods are nothing to be ashamed of, and we turned it into a night where my girls got to feel informed instead of scared.”
Normally, when their mom calls, I set up a video chat, leave the room so they can have their time with her, and then come back at the end to talk logistics like school and bills. The next time she phoned, I did exactly that—only this time, as soon as the girls were done and I came back on, she was livid. She yelled that I was “sick and perverted” for discussing periods with our daughters, demanded to know why I hadn’t called her or one of the grandmothers or aunts instead, and told me I was immature for not just “toughing it out” until she could deal with it herself. Years of watching her skip soccer games, piano recitals, and gymnastics meets, and seeing the girls come home from her place asking why she loves her new husband more than them, all came boiling to the surface in that moment.
“Maybe if you weren’t such a deadbeat and actually answered your goddamned phone once in a while, you could have handled this.”
I lost it and shouted back, listing the ways she’s hurt the girls and how absent she’s been for the big and small moments in their lives. In response, she fired back that I should tell them it’s not their fault I couldn’t satisfy her, and I snapped, screaming “f*_ck you” before she smugly pointed behind me. When I turned around, my 8- and 10-year-olds were standing in the doorway crying, and my 12-year-old charged in to scream at her mom in my defense. My ex hung up before I could calm anyone down, leaving me with three upset kids, a house full of tension, and a crushing wave of guilt, even as I tried to make it up to them with ice cream, unlimited video games, and a marathon of all the Twilight movies just to see them smile again.
🏠 The Aftermath
After the call ended, my ex went back to her life with her new husband while I stayed in the fallout with three shaken, tearful daughters and a shouting match I couldn’t take back.
The girls retreated to their rooms at first, then slowly emerged for comfort, cuddles, ice cream, endless video games, and an impromptu Twilight marathon as I tried to show them they were safe and loved. Contact with their mom is still limited to occasional calls she initiates, but now those conversations come with even more baggage.
Emotionally, the kids are hurt and confused—not just by their mom’s absence, but now by seeing me scream in a way I never have before. Practically, nothing has changed on paper—she still pays support and I still handle school, sports, and daily life—but the trust in that co-parenting relationship feels even more fragile, and my 12-year-old now seems determined to “fight” for me in ways I wish she didn’t have to.
Sometimes the real damage isn’t the custody agreement—it’s the words your kids hear when adults forget they’re listening.
I’m relieved my daughters saw me defending them, but I hate that they also saw me lose control, and there’s a bitter irony in the fact that I was being accused of bad parenting in the exact moment I let myself become the kind of loud, scary adult I never wanted to be.
💭 Emotional Reflection
At its core, this situation is about clashing expectations and a broken co-parenting dynamic: I assumed that, as the present parent, it was my job to step in when our daughter was scared and bleeding with no one else to turn to, while my ex seems to believe anything to do with periods is her exclusive territory—even though she didn’t answer the phone when our child needed her. That mismatch, layered over years of her emotional distance and the girls’ hurt, turned a conversation about puberty into a proxy battle over who is the “better” parent.
I can’t deny that yelling and swearing on speaker in front of my kids was wrong, even if the frustration behind it was understandable. There’s a powerful lesson here about how quickly righteous anger can tip into something harmful, especially when you’re already carrying resentment about missed games, recitals, and late-night questions from your children about why their mom left. Stepping up for your kids and modeling emotional regulation aren’t always the same thing, and in that moment, I failed at the second part.
Reasonable people might see this differently: some will say I was fully justified after being accused of being “perverted” for supporting my daughters through a normal bodily change, while others will focus on the impact of shouting in front of the kids and argue that both parents share blame for turning adult issues into a spectacle. The truth probably lives somewhere in between—she hurt them by being absent, and I hurt them, briefly, by letting my anger explode instead of keeping it between adults.
Unsurprisingly, the internet had a lot to say about a dad stepping in on a topic many still label as “women’s business.”
NTA for teaching your daughters about their own bodies when their mom ignored their calls—kids need a safe adult in the moment, not a perfect gender role chart.
You were right to defend your girls, but yelling and dropping f-bombs on speaker in front of them wasn’t it—next time, hang up and save the shouting for when little ears aren’t in the room.
Their mom weaponizing sex and calling you “perverted” for basic parenting is gross, but make sure this doesn’t turn into a loyalty war where your 12-year-old feels responsible for protecting you instead of just being a kid.
Overall, most people praised the dad for calmly educating his daughters and criticized the mother’s absence and cruel comment, while a smaller group pointed out that, however justified his anger, shouting in front of the kids added another layer of hurt to an already painful situation.
🌱 Final Thoughts
This story shows how messy real-life parenting can get when one parent checks out emotionally and the other is left to handle both the practical work and the emotional fallout. It’s clear this dad loves his daughters deeply—he researched, shopped, taught, comforted, and even sat through all the Twilight movies just to make them feel okay again. But love doesn’t erase the impact of a moment where anger takes the wheel.
There’s a fine line between fiercely defending your kids and accidentally becoming part of the chaos they have to recover from later, and this dad ended up on both sides of that line in a single phone call.
What do you think?
Would you have left, or stayed and kept trying to make it work? Share your thoughts below 👇
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