AITA for stopping my brother’s proposal at my baby shower — then invoicing him £220?
I planned a small baby shower and explicitly told my brother not to propose there — but he tried anyway, I stopped him, and the next day I sent him a bill for half the hall hire and extra drinks. Emotions and family drama followed.
I’m 29F, due in November, and my husband and I organised a modest mixed baby shower at a village hall (we covered most costs, my MIL paid for desserts). A week before the party my 26-year-old brother asked to propose there because “the whole family will be there.” I said no — I wanted the day to be about the baby — but on the day he tried to do it anyway during the toasts, so I stepped in and stopped the proposal to keep the focus on my shower.
I’m 29 and eight months pregnant — I told my 26-year-old brother I didn’t want his proposal at my baby shower, he tried anyway, and I stopped him mid-kneel. I then sent him an itemised £220 request to cover half the hall and extra drinks because he tried to hijack our day.
The family dynamic: I’m the host and the expectant parent, my husband and I covered most costs; my brother is 26 and wanted to propose because “everyone would be there,” and my mum encouraged the idea. I had told both of them beforehand that I didn’t want a proposal at the shower and offered to help plan a special proposal another day — that boundary was ignored on the day during the speeches.
“Hey, we love you guys, but we’re not doing this today. Let’s please keep today focused on the baby. We’ll help you celebrate properly soon, I promise.”
When he went down on one knee I stood up, took the mic, and asked that the proposal not happen. The room fell silent; his girlfriend ran to the bathroom and my brother left angry. Afterwards family members were split — some said proposals at other people's events are tacky, others felt I’d embarrassed him. That night the family chat exploded, with my mum calling me “controlling” and my brother claiming I ruined his moment and that this was the only time everyone was together.
“If he wanted to use the party as his proposal venue, he could help pay for it.”
The next morning I sent an itemised request for £220 (half the hall hire and extra drinks) because he’d tried to “make it our day too.” He hasn’t paid and calls the invoice petty; his girlfriend privately apologised and said she didn’t know he planned it and didn’t want their engagement tied to my shower. I’ve offered to help them celebrate properly later, but family tensions remain.
🏠 The Aftermath
Immediate fallout was awkwardness at the shower, my brother storming out, and a heated family group chat. Some relatives backed me; others thought I overreacted.
My brother left the party and hasn’t paid the £220 request; his girlfriend messaged to apologise privately and said she didn’t want the proposal linked to the shower.
Concrete consequences: strained family relationships, an awkward memory attached to what was meant to be a celebration for my baby, and an unpaid invoice that’s become another source of tension.
Consent matters for parties too — I set a boundary and it was ignored at the moment it counted.
I feel guilty about the scene but also frustrated that my clear ‘no’ was treated as optional; there’s regret on both sides and an offer to make amends by planning a proper celebration for their engagement later.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This is a clash of expectations and timing. The OP had a reasonable boundary: a baby shower is supposed to be about the expectant parent and child. Her brother felt the practical constraint of “everyone being together” and made a decision that ignored that boundary. Both positions have emotional weight — a once-in-a-lifetime moment versus the host’s right to set the tone for their event.
The way the OP intervened — taking the mic and stopping the proposal — was abrupt and publicly humiliating for her brother, but the alternative (letting the proposal happen) would have sidelined the baby shower entirely. The invoice escalated things financially and symbolically: it turned a boundary into a price, which some will see as justified and others will see as petty.
Reasonable people can disagree: hosts can expect their wishes to be respected, while family members sometimes assume surprises are harmless. The best path forward is private conversation and a sincere attempt to repair feelings — not further public scenes.
Here’s how people might react to this family mess:
NTA — he ignored your clear boundary and tried to hijack your baby shower; stopping it protected the day you planned.
ESH — shutting someone down mid-proposal was harsh and embarrassing, but sending an invoice the next day felt petty and turned hurt into a transaction.
Soft YTA — you defended your day, but a quieter, private interruption or asking the couple to speak later might have avoided public shame and the subsequent family blowup.
Responses split around respect for the host’s boundary versus the tone and escalation of the confrontation; many emphasise that a private conversation afterwards would have been kinder and more constructive.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Boundaries matter, especially around events that celebrate specific people, but how you enforce them also matters. Publicly stopping a proposal protected the baby shower’s purpose, yet it came with collateral emotional damage and family fallout.
Turning a boundary into an invoice traded hurt feelings for a bill — understandable from frustration, but likely to make reconciliation harder.
What do you think?
Would you have left, or stayed and kept trying to make it work? Share your thoughts below 👇
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