Can I Move In When He Earns Three Times My Income?
My lease is up in July and my boyfriend owns the condo I’d move into — but he makes roughly three times what I do, and most of my earnings go to bills. I want to bring it up without feeling like a mooch or making things awkward.
We’ve been together nine months and spend most nights together; his condo is where we naturally hang out. My lease ends in July and I’m ready to move in, but I’m lower-income — 90% of my pay goes to bills, no savings, and I even lack internet at home. He’s comfortable middle-class and owns his place, so I’m worried about how to fairly share costs without taking advantage or making the conversation awkward.
We both hinted about moving in, so I brought it up before my lease ended — I explained my finances and we worked out a lump-sum arrangement that felt fair for both of us.
I ran the numbers and realized moving in could lower my monthly outlay — but I couldn’t realistically split bills 50/50. He’d cover higher utility costs, condo fees, parking, and I’d still have car payments, insurance, and student loans. I didn’t want to ask him to subsidize me, but I also needed to get my spending and savings under control.
"I didn’t want to come off as trying to take advantage of him — but I also needed a plan that wouldn’t bankrupt me."
Because we communicate well, I decided to bring it up when he hinted he wanted to live together. We had a calm discussion about finances: I explained my bills, lack of savings, and desire to improve my situation. He didn’t recoil — instead he suggested ways to make it fair without leaving me worse off.
"He said he'd never want to put me in a bad position, and we can figure something fair."
We landed on a lump-sum monthly payment I’d give him to cover shared housing costs instead of strict proportional splitting. I even adjusted the offer upward because I didn’t want him to shoulder too much. The agreed amount is less than my current total bills, predictable, and gives me room to save — so we’ll move in together in June.
🏠 The Aftermath
After bringing it up, he welcomed the conversation and confirmed he wanted to live together. We negotiated openly and found a compromise that protects both of us financially.
You’ll move into his condo in June, pay a fixed monthly lump sum that covers your share, and keep some financial breathing room to start saving and paying down debts.
Practical outcomes: shared furniture decisions, joint plans for small renovations, and clearer expectations around chores and finances before combining households.
A clear conversation beat waiting — we turned awkwardness into a workable plan.
Everyone’s situation differs, but being honest about limitations and proposing concrete solutions helped avoid resentment and created a shared path forward.
💭 Emotional Reflection
Money and living arrangements are inherently sensitive. Waiting to be asked can feel passive, but initiating the talk can be respectful and practical — especially when you frame it around shared outcomes rather than deficit.
Transparency about your finances, coupled with proposals (proportional split, fixed contribution, or lump sum), prevents assumptions and resentment. Your willingness to offer a fair payment and to prioritize shared decisions showed commitment without sacrificing financial health.
Reasonable partners will listen and adapt; if someone reacts with guilt-trips or silence, that’s a red flag. In your case, collaboration turned uncertainty into concrete plans and strengthened the relationship.
Readers usually respond with a few common threads when income differs in cohabitation talks.
Propose options: proportional split, fixed contribution, or a lump sum — show you’ve thought it through and don’t expect a free ride.
Be honest about debts and savings goals. Moving in should improve your finances, not make them worse.
If he’s willing to negotiate and make it fair, that’s a strong sign. If not, reassess whether living together is the right step yet.
Most advice emphasizes clarity, options, and fairness — and applauds taking initiative to start the conversation rather than letting assumptions create future resentment.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Moving in together is part romance, part logistics. Being upfront about limits while offering practical solutions shows maturity and respect for both partners’ finances.
You don’t owe anyone 50/50 if it’s unworkable — but you do owe honesty and a plan that protects both your relationship and your financial future.
What do you think?
Would you prefer a proportional split, a fixed contribution, or a lump sum when incomes are unbalanced? Share your experiences below 👇
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