Is My Partner Sabotaging My Job After Maternity Leave?
I returned from maternity leave to a part-time remote job I love, but my partner’s refusal to reliably watch our children and repeated threats feel like they’re undermining my work. Now I'm stuck in hospital with no support and a custody agreement complicating leaving.
I (30F) recently started a dream part-time remote job after maternity leave: $90/hour, 25 hours a week, afternoon shift so I could balance childcare. We removed the kids from daycare assuming we'd share care since both of us work remotely, but my partner (45M) has repeatedly refused fair help, threatened to cut wifi or kick me out, and left me scrambling to cover meetings — culminating in being stranded at the hospital without support.
I thought we’d split childcare since we both work remotely, but when I asked him to watch the kids for two hours so I could do meetings he got angry, threatened me, and then refused to help — even though he later napped while his mother did the childcare.
Chronology: after maternity leave I accepted a part-time remote role with set hours (12–5pm). We pulled our children from daycare intending to share care. On the first day of his paternity leave I asked him to watch them for two hours while I ran meetings; he left to do business work in the morning, delayed returning, and berated me when I called to check in.
"I told him I just needed two hours — that's not a lot to ask."
The conversation escalated: he threatened to not come home, yelled, and hung up. When he returned he napped while his mother ended up caring for the kids, and later threatened to cut the wifi and kick me out for what he called "disrespect" — even though he then refused my offers to contribute to household bills.
"He said my job contributes nothing and that I should just watch the kids."
Since then he’s given me the silent treatment, withheld promised support (including for an upcoming surgery), threatened to remove me from his medical insurance, and displayed callous comments about others' suffering. Most urgently, after my surgery I was unable to get home because he didn’t respond to calls; I have no local family to rely on and a custody agreement prevents me from taking the children until it’s amended.
🏠 The Aftermath
Right now the situation is unresolved and tense: you're recovering from surgery, stuck at the hospital without partner support, and planning to leave once you can arrange care for the children and amend custody paperwork.
Short-term logistics are messy: his mother has been helping but struggled with the workload; he threatens to cut wifi or medical coverage and is using silent treatment as control.
Concrete consequences include interrupted work calls, emotional strain, health risks from delayed recovery support, and legal/custody hurdles that complicate leaving quickly despite plans to do so.
When your partner weaponizes basic household needs — wifi, rides, insurance — it’s not just anger; it’s control that hurts your livelihood and health.
You feel anger and exhaustion, and your resentment is understandable: you shoulder most childcare and domestic tasks while trying to protect your job and your recovery.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This reads less like a simple disagreement and more like a pattern where one partner uses anger, threats, and withholding to control the other’s ability to work and recover. Repeated refusal to share childcare and threats about essentials (wifi, insurance, rides) put disproportionate burden on the working parent and risk the job that supports the household.
From another angle, he may feel overwhelmed or insecure about caregiving, but the consistent pattern — naps while you manage everything, passive-aggressive delays, and threats — crosses into sabotaging behavior rather than fair negotiation.
Reasonable people may disagree about the best short-term fix (temporary childcare, mediation, or legal steps), but most would agree your health and job stability are legitimate priorities and deserve practical support, not punishment.
Here are some typical community reactions to behavior like this.
He's weaponizing basic needs (wifi, rides, insurance) to control you — that’s emotional abuse, not a disagreement.
You’re not asking too much — two hours to take a meeting is reasonable. This is about boundaries and safety for your job and health.
Get documentation (texts, calls) and contact local resources — hospital social workers, legal aid, or a family law attorney about custody amendments.
Responses mostly focus on the pattern of control and the urgency of documenting incidents, securing immediate childcare alternatives, and protecting both health and employment while exploring legal options.
🌱 Final Thoughts
You deserve a partner who supports your health and your job — reasonable requests like short, reliable childcare should be met with cooperation, not ultimatums. The pattern you describe suggests control more than simple stress, and it’s okay to prioritize safety and stability for you and your children.
Small steps — documenting incidents, contacting hospital social services, arranging temporary childcare, and seeking legal advice about custody and insurance — can help you reclaim control while you prepare to leave.
What do you think?
Have you handled a partner refusing basic support for work or recovery? What helped you take the next step? Share advice below 👇
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