AITA for Telling My Mom She Has Two Families?

My mom hoped that my siblings and I would embrace her second husband and half-siblings as one big happy family, but we've struggled to see it that way.

My mom has been married twice and has two sets of kids. She has my sisters and me (22f, 20f and 18f) with our dad. He died when we were younger. A few years after dad died mom remarried and had more kids (10m, 7f and 5m). When she remarried she hoped we would be one big family and that we would love him like a dad and love our half siblings like we loved each other as sisters. But we didn't love her husband like a dad, we didn't accept him as a father figure either and we don't have a loving relationship with our half siblings.

We're not huge jerks about it. We're nice to her husband and our half siblings. We don't treat them like shit or go out of our way to be cruel about the fact we don't love him like a dad or see the kids like we see each other. But to mom it's still very disappointing because she doesn't like feeling like she has two families. Her family with our dad and her family with her current husband.

"She has a family with dad and a family with her husband. I told her it doesn't mean she was wrong or that we hate her or him. But she does have two families and that's okay."

What brought this to our current issue is my younger sister moved out and mom was disappointed because she had hoped we'd want to stay home longer. My older sister moved out at 18. Then I did. Now my younger sister. I know she said before that when we spent more time with her husband as adults our opinions or feelings would change. But then we didn't live there to do that.

"But she does have two families and that's okay. It happens."

I told her she might not want that but it is what she has. She has a family with dad and a family with her husband. I told her it doesn't mean she was wrong or that we hate her or him. But she does have two families and that's okay. It happens. I told her it's not like we were ever rude about it and she said we didn't have to be rude for it to be wrong. It upset her a lot and she was crying on the phone to me. She told me her best friend growing up lost her dad and when her mom remarried she loved him like a dad and still calls him dad today. She asked why we couldn't be that and I told her because we just weren't and that everyone is different when they lose a parent.

🏠 The Aftermath

My mom is still deeply upset after I acknowledged that we see her family dynamics differently.

She's struggling with the idea of having two separate families and the emotional weight of it all.

This realization has caused a strain in our relationship, but I hope we can work through it together.

Acknowledging the truth hurt, but it was necessary for both of us to move forward.

While the conversation was difficult, it shed light on some underlying issues that needed to be addressed.

💭 Emotional Reflection

It's clear that our differing perspectives on family dynamics have caused a rift between my mother and me.

I hope that with time and understanding, we can find common ground and strengthen our bond.

Family relationships are complex, and it's important to acknowledge and respect each other's feelings.

How do you think most people would react to this situation?

It's understandable that the OP feels this way, but they could have approached the conversation more tactfully.

The mom's reaction is valid, but it's important for her to consider her children's perspectives as well.

Both sides need to communicate openly and empathetically to navigate the complexities of blended families.

The responses to this situation highlight the challenges of navigating relationships within blended families and the importance of understanding and empathy.