Tangled in Debt: Can Our Marriage Survive?
Tl; dr: My marriage isn’t over, but I don’t think it will ever be the same.
First, thank you to everyone that replied and messaged. I read every single one. I appreciated the hopeful comments and identified with the harsh ones. I’m no angel in this story.
So some extra info - my husband has a very high intensity job, and travels frequently. I took over the bills so nothing would get lost in the shuffle when he was away from home and he could focus on what he needed to focus on. (Insert joke here, right).
“I wad a complete wreck last week. I barely slept, was physically anxious, and was both absolutely dreading Friday but also couldn’t wait for it to just get here already.”
Friday comes and he comes home with In’n’Out and a chocolate shake for me and I just … lost it. Full on sobbing. It freaked the hell out of him, and took me like ten minutes to get myself under control. Then I spilled it all.
“$96,000 in debt that he had no idea about.”
He came home the next day and we manufactured some time alone to talk by sending the kids out to run errands. The oldest can drive and loves any excuse.
🏠 The Aftermath
Things are chilly at best right now, and I am so desperately sorry and sick over the hurt I caused. At the same time there is a deep sense of relief that, whatever happens, I’m no longer lying about it and everything is out in the open.
$96,000 in debt that he had no idea about. He messaged me a while later that he was going to stay by his mom for the night and would be back to pack a bag, and that he would rather not talk yet. I respected that and made myself scarce.
We’re going to do a HELOC or second mortgage for all the recurring stuff and buckle down HARD. We will review everything together at least twice a month. We will do marriage counseling together.
At the same time there is a deep sense of relief that, whatever happens, I’m no longer lying about it and everything is out in the open.
Maybe he’ll still decide that he can’t move on, but I’m going to own whatever happens.
💭 Emotional Reflection
It's clear that both parties played a role in the situation, and while there's relief in the truth coming out, the road ahead is uncertain. Communication and trust will be vital moving forward.
This pivotal moment has forced us to confront our financial reality and our relationship dynamics head-on. There's a mix of regret and hope lingering in the air as we navigate this challenging time.
The complexity of human relationships and the intricacies of personal finance have collided, leaving us with a choice: to rebuild stronger or part ways with valuable lessons learned.
How would you react in a similar situation?
It's understandable that emotions ran high in such a stressful moment. Transparency is key in any relationship.
Financial surprises can be a significant strain on a marriage. Seeking professional guidance may be beneficial.
Taking ownership of mistakes and committing to change is a positive step forward. Rebuilding trust will be a challenging journey.
The responses reflect a mix of empathy, shock, and encouragement, highlighting the complexities and emotions involved in such a scenario.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Navigating financial challenges within a marriage can test the strength of the relationship. Honesty and cooperation are essential ingredients in overcoming obstacles together.
In the midst of turmoil, there lies an opportunity for growth and renewal. Will the foundation of trust and love withstand the weight of financial strain?
What do you think?
Would you have left, or stayed and kept trying to make it work? Share your thoughts below 👇
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