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Husband wants me take up more mental load of s ___ x and has issued me an ultimatum

Husband Issues Ultimatum Over Lack of Sexual Initiative

My husband wants me to take on more of the mental load when it comes to our intimate life, asking me to initiate sex and plan dates without clear guidance, leading to a difficult ultimatum.

After having kids, I struggle with spontaneous sexual desire, needing time and effort to feel aroused due to responsive desire. My husband, feeling burdened by taking the lead in our sex life, wants me to take more initiative without clear instructions.

We've been together for several years, but recently, the pressure has increased for me to be the one to keep the passion alive in our marriage.

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“I have half the responsibility to keep the fire and sex alive in our marriage.”

Despite my efforts to be more spontaneous and explore new ways to ignite our intimacy, nothing seems to satisfy his expectations.

“I just don't have the spontaneous desire that he wants.”

Recently, my husband has given me an ultimatum, threatening to leave if I don't meet his needs within six months, feeling exhausted from being the sole driver of our intimate connection.

🏠 The Aftermath

Following his ultimatum, the tension in our marriage has escalated, with a cloud of uncertainty hanging over our future.

He now expects me to take the lead in our intimate moments, while I struggle to meet his demands without feeling forced or inauthentic.

This situation has put a strain on our relationship, leaving me conflicted between wanting to fulfill his desires and feeling overwhelmed by the expectations placed on me.

"Navigating this new dynamic is challenging and emotionally draining."

While I want to improve our connection, I also need understanding and patience to work through this difficult period.

💭 Emotional Reflection

Balancing his expectations with my own needs has become a delicate dance, highlighting the importance of communication and empathy in intimate relationships.

This experience has shed light on the complexities of desire and the challenges of meeting a partner's expectations without compromising one's own comfort and boundaries.

While the ultimatum has added strain to our marriage, it has also sparked conversations about intimacy and mutual understanding, revealing areas where we both need to grow and compromise.


Seeking advice and support from the community, I wonder how others would navigate this difficult situation.

It seems like a lack of communication and understanding on both sides is creating tension.
Both partners need to find common ground and be willing to compromise to move forward.
Communication and empathy are key in addressing this issue and finding a resolution that works for both.

The responses from the community highlight the importance of open dialogue and mutual respect in navigating intimate challenges.


🌱 Final Thoughts

Navigating the complexities of desire and expectations in a relationship requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to communicate openly.

How can couples find a balance between meeting each other's needs while honoring their own boundaries?

What do you think?
Would you have left, or stayed and kept trying to make it work? Share your thoughts below 👇


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