AITA for Quitting Another Extracurricular Because I Couldn’t Do It Without My Siblings?
A teenager’s desire for independence clashes with his parents’ “family first” rule, leaving him isolated, frustrated, and punished for wanting something that’s his own.
I (16M) have two younger siblings — a 14-year-old sister and a 12-year-old brother — both on the autism spectrum. My parents say we’re not as close as we should be because I’m “ableist,” but honestly, I just want to have something in my life that doesn’t involve them. My parents’ rule is simple: family comes first. Which, in their words, means we cancel plans, ditch friends, and prioritize “family time” no matter what.
Growing up, they’d RSVP to birthday parties for me and then decide last-minute I wasn’t going. I wasn’t allowed to tell friends why because they’d take my phone away if I “argued.” Sometimes, my friends would even show up to hang out, and my parents would send them home because it was suddenly “sibling day.” Eventually, people just stopped inviting me.
My siblings get expensive, individualized activities — piano, violin, art classes — all fully funded because it’s “for their growth.” But for me? If my parents have to pay, I’m only allowed to do something if it includes my siblings too. And every single time, it ends the same way.
“If They’re Coming, I’m Quitting”
When I was little, I tried boxing. My brother was way too young, but my parents dropped him off with me anyway and told the instructor to “just let him watch.” I quit two weeks later. Then I tried swimming. My sister was supposed to be in a different group, but my parents showed up with her during my session and insisted she join. I quit again.
I stopped asking for things that cost money and tried to find stuff myself. A friend told me our community center had free activities, so I joined a photography class — and of course, my parents brought my brother. Then I tried cooking classes. They brought both siblings “to keep me company.” I quit that too.
“Every hobby I start turns into another family activity I never asked for.”
Family vs. Freedom
I tried explaining it to my parents — that I just want something that’s mine. They got angry and said it “goes against our family values.” According to them, I should want to include my siblings, and not doing so means I’m selfish and cruel. They said my siblings would think I hate them.
I told them if my brother and sister get their own hobbies without me, then I should too. I said I’m done trying because everything I do will always be about them. That’s when they called me a “hurtful brat” and grounded me — no more hanging out with friends or going anywhere alone. Now I’m forced to take my siblings everywhere as punishment.
“They say people would kill to have a family like mine. But I’d just like a little space to breathe.”
The Need for Space
I love my siblings. I really do. But loving them shouldn’t mean giving up everything that makes me feel like my own person. I’ve spent my whole life being “the big brother” — never just me. Maybe one day they’ll understand that I’m not rejecting them, I’m just tired of being treated like a built-in babysitter or a prop in “family bonding.”
My parents think I’m selfish. I think I just want to grow up as my own person. If that makes me the bad guy, then maybe I’ll take the blame — because at least it’s mine.
“Wanting independence isn’t hate — it’s just being sixteen.”
💬 Typical Reddit Reactions:
“NTA. You’re allowed to have a life outside your siblings. Your parents are being controlling.”
“This isn’t about being selfish — it’s about having boundaries.”
“Your parents are setting you up to resent your siblings. They need to stop.”
🌱 Final Thoughts
Wanting independence doesn’t mean you don’t love your family. It just means you want to know who you are outside of them. This teen’s story is a reminder that even in close families, boundaries are not rejection — they’re necessary for growth.
What do you think?
Should teens be allowed hobbies their siblings can’t join, or is family participation always a priority? Share your thoughts below 👇
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