AITA For Finally Setting Boundaries With My Boyfriend After Years Of Double Standards?
After years of compromising her freedom and comfort to make her boyfriend feel secure, one woman has finally decided to stand up for herself — and it’s forcing her to ask whether love is still enough when respect is gone.
The OP (female, 20s) has been in a relationship defined by double standards. Every time she brings up the imbalance, her boyfriend brushes it off with, “You knew what you signed up for.” He insists that certain things are okay for him to do — but unacceptable for her.
Her Life, His Rules
To make him feel comfortable, she’s compromised repeatedly — even switching from her preferred gym to an all-women’s one. “I thought it would show him that I respected his feelings,” she wrote. “But all it did was make me feel smaller.”
Lately, her boyfriend has reconnected with old friends — the same group he used to party with before they met. They’re known for being in toxic relationships and spending nights out drinking. OP doesn’t mind him having friends, but she does mind that they’re back to hanging out almost every night while she’s left at home.
“Just because we live together doesn’t mean we’re spending quality time together.”
The Club Night That Broke Everything
One evening, his friends invited him to a bar. OP was uneasy — mostly because he’d always been strict about avoiding places like that, citing his own values. He texted her that he’d go “just for food,” but later admitted he didn’t go because he “felt her vibe.” When he came home upset, she reassured him: “Go have fun, just keep me updated. I just don’t want them to drag you to a club.”
The next day, they did exactly that — and this time, he went. He stayed out until 2 a.m. When he returned, he insisted he was just the designated driver and didn’t drink. But OP couldn’t shake the double standard. If she went clubbing, he’d be furious.
“Going to a club is a single person’s activity. He wouldn’t like it if I did the same thing.”
“I’ll Do Whatever I Want”
When she confronted him, things got ugly. He told her he was done “feeling like he couldn’t go out,” and that from now on, he’d do whatever he wanted — no matter how she felt about it.
What hurt most was that these were his own boundaries he was breaking. He’d always said bars and clubs were off-limits in relationships. Now, they weren’t — at least not for him.
“He set the rules, and now he’s mad that I’m following them.”
Feeling disrespected, OP stopped sharing her location and pulled back communication. His response? “Wow, you move fast.” But to her, it wasn’t petty — it was self-preservation. “I’m trying to establish boundaries,” she said. “If he doesn’t accept them, then we won’t work.”
Reddit users overwhelmingly told her she wasn’t the problem — he was. They pointed out that boundaries aren’t control; they’re mutual respect. And his sudden shift wasn’t “freedom,” it was hypocrisy.
“He’s not rebelling against control. He’s rebelling against accountability.”
“You stopped compromising — that’s why he’s mad.”
“He doesn’t want equality; he wants control.”
Others shared that relationships like this rarely improve — because people who rely on double standards often see compromise as weakness, not partnership.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Love isn’t enough when respect isn’t mutual. OP gave up her comfort, freedom, and peace to make things work — but a healthy relationship shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells.
What do you think?
Is it time for her to move on, or can someone like this really change? Share your thoughts below 👇
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