AITA For Blaming My Wife After My Mom Said She Won’t Visit Us Anymore?
When “house rules” turn into hard lines, hospitality can disappear fast. A vegan household, strict boundaries, and a tense in-law dynamic ended with a mom packing up and saying she won’t be back — and a husband wondering if he’s wrong for calling out his wife.
The OP and his wife are vegan. His mother is willing to eat vegetarian when she visits, but can’t handle a fully vegan diet — especially when the only options offered are ultra-processed substitutes or plain sides. The wife won’t allow dairy or non-vegan groceries in their home, won’t let Mom bring her own food, and gets offended if she sneaks out to eat. After a few visits where Mom ended up pale and dizzy, tensions boiled over.
Her House, Her Rules — Or Hostility?
Food wasn’t the only friction point. OP’s wife policed what Mom could wear and carry — asking her not to bring a Louis Vuitton bag around the kids, criticizing her for makeup, and even commenting when Mom slept in a sports bra (which Mom says helps with implant alignment and comfort). Mom, for her part, didn’t criticize their lifestyle; she just wanted to visit without being micromanaged.
With no nearby hotels (the closest is an hour away), visiting means staying under their roof — and under those rules. Each visit felt like a standoff: Mom quietly trying to meet her own basic needs, Wife feeling disrespected inside her own home.
“If Mom sneaks out to eat, Wife calls her rude. If she stays, she gets dizzy from the limited food — and Wife says she’s being dramatic.”
The Visit That Broke Everything
The last straw came when Mom visited with her fiancé. Wife made digs about their relationship — saying if they “really loved each other,” Mom wouldn’t “need” a diamond ring — and treated him like a creep for being in the living room with the kids for three minutes while Mom used the bathroom.
Mom’s fiancé has a vertigo condition and must eat low-sodium. The only food in the house was salty meat substitutes or plain sides, so they planned to step out for dinner. Wife told Mom it was rude and that they’d “better not” go. They grabbed their things and left.
Later, Mom said OP is welcome to visit her, but she won’t be returning for a while. OP told his wife he blames her for how it ended. Wife shot back that he should put their nuclear family first — not his mother.
“Our Home, Our Rules” vs. Basic Hospitality
OP sees both sides — it is their home — but also believes hospitality includes reasonable accommodation, especially when guests have health needs and there’s no hotel nearby. He’s frustrated that Mom is labeled “rude” for trying to stay upright and that Wife reads malice into handbags, makeup, and a medical sports bra.
Now Mom’s done visiting, and OP has to choose his next move. He told Wife he holds her responsible for the blowup; she says he’s betraying their nuclear family by taking Mom’s side.
He wonders: is enforcing dietary purity and aesthetics worth losing family connection — and help with the kids — altogether?
Reddit users overwhelmingly said this wasn’t about veganism — it was about control and hospitality. Reasonable house rules are fine; policing guests’ food, clothes, and medical accommodations isn’t.
“A vegan home ≠ starving your guests. Let her bring yogurt or eat out. That’s not disrespect — that’s survival.”
“Your wife turned a visit into a purity test. Handbag, makeup, sports bra — none of this harms your kids.”
“Basic hospitality: feed people, don’t shame their bodies or relationships, and don’t trap them in your rules.”
Many urged OP to set joint boundaries around hosting: allow guests to bring or store their own food, plan one flexible meal a day, and stop moralizing personal style. Otherwise, keep visits neutral — meet Mom at her place or halfway.
🌱 Final Thoughts
“Our house, our rules” shouldn’t mean “our way or go hungry.” Healthy families make space for differences — especially when health and comfort are on the line. If the goal is modeling values for kids, kindness and flexibility will teach more than policing and shame.
What do you think?
Was OP wrong to blame his wife, or is it fair to expect basic hospitality for visiting family? Share your thoughts below 👇
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