AITA for Asking My Mom’s Boyfriend to Stop Trying to Parent Me?

After losing my dad, my mom’s new partner started acting like a stand-in father. When he tried to ground me and take my car keys, I finally snapped—and now my family says I was out of line.

My dad passed away suddenly a year ago, and it shattered me and my mom. Recently, she started dating a man who, by all accounts, is kind and decent. He has two teenage daughters, and my mom has stepped into a maternal role for them while he’s become “Uncle Favorite” to everyone else in the family. But while everyone else seems perfectly comfortable, I’m not.

I’m 23, grieving my dad, and not looking for a replacement—but my mom’s boyfriend won’t stop acting like one.

I live in my mom’s basement apartment—it’s been my space since I was fifteen. I pay for my own food and other costs, but my mom covers the bills. Her boyfriend doesn’t live with us or pay rent; he and his daughters just visit often. Lately, he’s decided that being part of our family means he gets to make rules for everyone—including me. Curfews, chores, sharing my things with his daughters, and even “family” time. He says it’s only fair since we’re all under one roof.

“He’s trying to apply teenage rules to me, a 23-year-old man about to graduate college.”

Things came to a head when I got home at 2 a.m. after being the designated driver for friends. I’d already texted my mom to let her know, but the next day, her boyfriend tore into me—lecturing me about “house rules” and threatening to take away my car privileges. That’s when I finally lost it. I told him I’m glad my mom found someone who makes her happy, but he is not my father and never will be. I said I’d appreciate it if he respected that instead of trying to parent me like one of his teenagers.

“I told him he’s not my dad, and I don’t need another one.”

Now my mom’s side of the family thinks I overreacted and embarrassed her boyfriend, but I feel like I was defending my boundaries. I’m 23, about to graduate, and I’ll be moving out soon anyway. I’m not disrespectful—just tired of being treated like a teenager in my own home by someone who isn’t even paying bills here.

🏠 The Aftermath

My mom’s boyfriend was furious after our argument. He told my mom I was being rude and ungrateful. My mom is caught in the middle—she says she understands my grief but thinks I could’ve been “nicer” about setting boundaries.

Extended family members have taken sides. Some think I should respect him more because he’s “trying.” Others say it’s inappropriate for him to discipline a grown adult, especially when he’s not contributing financially or living there full time.

For now, I’m keeping things polite but distant. I love my mom, but I refuse to let anyone—especially someone new—decide how I live my life.

“Respect goes both ways. I’m not his son, and he’s not my dad.”

It’s awkward, but at least I’ve made it clear where the line is. I’m not going to apologize for setting boundaries in my own space.

💭 Emotional Reflection

Grief complicates everything. My mom is moving forward, and I’m proud of her—but I’m still processing the loss of my dad. Her boyfriend might mean well, but trying to enforce “family rules” on a 23-year-old grieving adult only deepens the resentment.

Boundaries aren’t disrespect—they’re protection. I didn’t scream or insult him; I just stated that our relationship needs to be based on mutual respect, not hierarchy. If he truly wants to build something with me, he has to meet me as an equal, not as another child to manage.

Reasonable people can see both sides: a man trying to integrate his family, and a son still mourning his father. But respect must come first, not control.

Online readers had strong opinions about this story:

“NTA. You’re 23, not 15. He’s overstepping by grounding you in a house he doesn’t even live in.”

“You set boundaries like an adult. Grief doesn’t mean you owe anyone instant family vibes.”

“If he wants respect, he should earn it—not demand it.”

Most commenters sided with me, saying it’s healthy to assert independence, especially when someone new tries to fill a parental role you didn’t ask for. Boundaries aren’t cruelty—they’re clarity.