AITA for refusing to pay my parents more rent until my sister finally starts paying her share?
I found out my sister has been living rent-free for two years while I've paid $800/month, and when I asked her to start contributing she refused — so I stopped offering to increase my payment and said I won't pay more until she pays too.
I graduated four years ago and moved back home; my sister graduated two years ago and also lives with our parents. Since graduating I’ve paid $800/month to cover rent and shared bills. Recently I overheard my parents talking about money and offered to raise my contribution — that’s when I learned my sister hasn’t been paying anything for two years. After a family meeting where my sister balked at paying and offered only $100, I told my parents I wouldn’t increase my rent and wouldn’t pay more until she paid; my dad called me an asshole and the house is now tense.
I’m stuck footing my parents’ bills while my sister lives here for free — I asked her to start paying and told my parents I won’t pay extra until she does, and now everyone says I’m the problem.
Both of us moved back in with our parents after college and found jobs. I’ve consistently paid $800/month to my parents to cover my share of housing and utilities. When I offered to increase that amount after overhearing their money worries, I asked how much my sister pays — and learned she pays nothing. My dad explained she hasn’t contributed to rent, utilities, phone, or insurance while she recently bought a new car that my dad ended up insuring.
"I pay my parents $800 every month — she hasn’t paid a f*_cking thing for two years."
We had a family meeting that night. My sister refused to pay what I pay and offered $100; my parents suggested $300. I and my sister both rejected the proposed split. During the argument my sister shouted, "f*_ck YOU. I'M TRYING TO LIVE MY LIFE," then stormed off. My parents begged for money; I told them I would not pay any more until she contributed the same amount. My dad later called me an a**hole for refusing to pay.
"I'm not going to pay any more rent until she does."
After I said that I left the room and slammed my door when my mom accused me of trying to make my sister pay. Right now the house is tense: my parents are upset, my dad is angry at me for withholding money, my sister is refusing to contribute, and both parents are blaming their children and reminiscing that things were different back in the home country.
🏠 The Aftermath
Immediately after the meeting the household atmosphere fell apart: my sister retreated to her room, my dad called me an a**hole for refusing to pay more, and my parents are arguing about both kids being "rotten."
• Sister offered $100 and refused to match my $800; parents suggested $300 but no agreement was reached.
• I declined to increase my payment and told my parents I wouldn't pay more until she started contributing the same amount; parents remain financially stressed and emotionally strained.
Looks like the money problem turned into a family fight that solved nothing — and now everyone is angry.
There are mixed emotions all around: frustration at perceived unfairness, anger at how the discussion played out, and pressure from parents who need money but don't want to be the enforcers.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This is a classic clash of fairness versus family dynamics: on principle it feels wrong that one adult is paying while another contributes nothing, but the way it was handled — public confrontation, shouting, and ultimatums — escalated quickly and left everyone feeling attacked. Expectations about money and household responsibilities weren't set or enforced earlier, which created resentment when the imbalance came to light.
From my perspective, asking for equal contribution is reasonable; from my parents' and sister's perspective, the confrontation may have felt harsh and confrontational. Cultural background and parental reluctance to "police" a grown child also play a role in why this stayed unresolved for two years.
Reasonable people can disagree here: asking your adult sibling to pay their share is fair, but communicating it without shutting down negotiation or creating a permanent rift is the hard part. The core problem is a lack of clear household rules and follow-through, not just one person's stance in a single heated conversation.
Here’s how readers might react to this family money fight:
NTA — you shouldn’t be subsidizing an adult sibling who chose to spend on a car instead of contributing to the household.
YTA — refusing to help the parents when they’re struggling feels punitive; there were kinder ways to handle it.
ESH — parents let this imbalance happen, sister acted entitled, and OP escalated instead of finding a workable compromise.
Responses cluster around fairness, parental responsibility, and whether withholding money as leverage was proportionate — many will sympathize with the OP's frustration, while others will see the approach as unnecessarily harsh.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Money often exposes unspoken family rules. Asking an adult sibling to contribute is reasonable, but long-standing imbalances usually require a calmer, enforceable arrangement rather than a single dramatic confrontation.
This situation is painful because it's both a practical money problem and a breach of trust — resolving it will need clear expectations, follow-through from parents, and willingness from everyone to compromise.
What do you think?
Would you have left, or stayed and kept trying to make it work? Share your thoughts below 👇
0 Comments