AITA for refusing to pay for my brother-in-law’s surgery with my inheritance and college fund?
When my sister’s husband needed an expensive heart surgery, she expected me to hand over my inheritance — the same money I’ve been saving for medical school. I refused, and now she’s calling me heartless.
I (18F) lost my dad a year ago. He was my only parent — our mom was never around. My sister (27F) and I both received inheritance money after he passed. She spent hers on house renovations and new cars. I’ve been saving mine to pay for college; I’ve always wanted to become a doctor. Since Dad’s death, I’ve been living with my aunt, because my brother-in-law didn’t want me living with them.
When my brother-in-law’s health declined and he needed heart surgery, my sister suddenly decided my college fund should become her emergency fund. I told her no — and everything exploded.
My sister and I have never been particularly close. Things got worse after she married her husband — a man who openly mocked my dad’s illness and even made inappropriate jokes at his funeral. She excused him because he’s “chronically ill” and shouldn’t be held accountable. Since then, I’ve kept my distance. But lately she’s been coming around more often, venting about his worsening heart problems and the mounting hospital bills. Every time, she drops hints about my inheritance money. I usually change the subject.
“You could help save a life, and you’re choosing college instead? How can you be so heartless?”
Eventually, she asked directly if I’d pay for her husband’s surgery. She swore she’d pay me back “within a year.” I didn’t believe her. She already spent her entire inheritance on cars and home renovations, and I know she and her husband are drowning in debt. If I gave her the money, I’d be risking my entire future. When I refused, she broke down in tears and started yelling at my aunt’s house — accusing me of having no empathy and saying I’d be responsible if her husband died. My aunt tried to stay neutral but warned that I could cause permanent damage to my relationship with my sister.
“Your education means nothing if you let a man die when you could’ve stopped it.”
Since then, my sister’s been sending guilt-tripping texts and photos of her husband and their kid, captioned with things like, “This is what you’re saying no to.” I’ve cried a lot — she’s my sister, and I love my nephew — but I can’t destroy my dad’s last gift to me just because she made bad financial decisions. My friend said the same: if they can afford cars and renovations, they can sell them to pay for the surgery.
🏠 The Aftermath
I’ve stopped responding to her messages for now. My aunt told me she’ll try to mediate but admitted my sister doesn’t have a plan beyond guilt and emotion. So far, no one else in the family is willing to lend her money — most have already cut her and her husband off after past arguments.
I’m still planning to use my inheritance for college next year. It’s what my dad wanted — he told me before he passed to “use it to build your life, not fix someone else’s mistakes.”
My sister’s furious and may never forgive me, but I can’t sacrifice my education for a man who disrespected our father and a sister who’s never respected my boundaries.
Love doesn’t mean letting someone burn down your future to rebuild their past.
It hurts, but I’m done being manipulated. I’m keeping my inheritance — and my dad’s wishes — intact.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This isn’t about money; it’s about boundaries and respect. My sister sees my inheritance as a family resource, not my father’s legacy to me. I understand her desperation, but desperation doesn’t give her the right to guilt or threaten me.
I wish things were different. I wish she’d managed her money better, or that her husband hadn’t treated our family so poorly. But I can’t fix years of bad choices with one check. I’ve already lost one parent — I don’t want to lose my dreams too.
Maybe someday she’ll see that my refusal wasn’t cruelty — it was survival. I’m honoring Dad’s memory the way he asked me to.
Here’s what Reddit might say:
NTA — Your inheritance is for your future, not for fixing your sister’s financial mess. Her husband mocked your dad — let her sell her cars.
NTA — You can’t pour from an empty cup. Protect your education; it’s what your father wanted for you.
ESH (a little) — It’s a sad situation, but emotional blackmail doesn’t make anyone right. Family doesn’t mean financial obligation.
The general consensus: refusing to be manipulated doesn’t make you heartless — it makes you responsible. Love and guilt aren’t the same thing.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Your inheritance was your father’s way of giving you a future. Using it for college honors his trust and sacrifices far more than spending it on people who never respected him.
Compassion doesn’t require self-destruction — especially when others choose not to help themselves.
What do you think?
Would you have helped your sister or protected your future? Share your thoughts below 👇
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