“Sure” Meant Yes — He Assumed No. Am I Wrong for Being Hurt?
A simple text—“sure”—spiraled into a missed visit, hurt feelings, and a late-night debate about communication. After a year together, I’m wondering why I’m still explaining what I meant.
My boyfriend (36M) texted to ask if he and his daughter could come by around 2. I (36F) said “sure.” He decided “sure” meant “no,” didn’t tell me he changed plans, took a nap instead, and later said he didn’t want to “push it” because if I wanted to see him, I’d “say it.” Meanwhile, my kids and I were waiting because he’d said 2. I’m very direct—if I don’t want something, I say no—so his assumption felt dismissive and unfair.
I said “sure” because I meant yes. He read it as a soft no, didn’t show up, and then told me not to “push it.”
We’ve known each other four years and been together one. I’m direct—if I don’t want to do something, I say no. He’s an extrovert, big on quality time. He texted “lol 😂 that was a no,” and later napped instead of coming at 2 like he’d said. When I checked in, he said he heard “sure” as a maybe/no and didn’t want to “ruin my plans to relax.” The sting wasn’t the canceled visit—it was the assumption and the lack of communication while my kids and I waited.
“Just don’t push it anymore because if you wanted to see me, you would say it.”
I told him that I had said yes; he just didn’t like how I said it. I asked why he didn’t simply ask for clarity if something felt off. I explained that making up a narrative, not communicating changes, then shifting blame back on me felt dismissive. I ended the conversation, said I was hurt, and that I’d take the day with my kids and talk later once I cooled off.
“Babe, the word ‘sure’ literally means ‘yes.’ If I didn’t want to, I would have said no.”
That night we talked for an hour. I told him assuming instead of asking isn’t fair, and that telling me “don’t push it” after I agreed was hurtful and manipulative. He listened, apologized, and we agreed on clearer check-ins—if he needs confirmation, he’ll ask; if plans change, he’ll tell me. This feels fixable, and I don’t plan to end things over it.
🏠 The Aftermath
We didn’t see each other that day, but we did resolve it. He apologized for assuming and for how he phrased things. We set a simple rule: if either of us feels unsure, we’ll ask; if timing changes, we’ll communicate it—no silent narratives.
I also shared why this triggered me—being made to feel like I hadn’t said yes when I had. He heard me, and we agreed to be more direct about feelings and logistics.
The goal isn’t to win a word debate; it’s to stop tripping over subtext when a quick “Do you still want us to come?” would do.
Clarity beats mind-reading—especially when kids are waiting by the door.
We’re moving forward with clearer expectations, and I feel better having named the hurt and gotten a real apology.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This wasn’t about a single word—it was about assumptions replacing conversation. I’m direct; he sometimes overthinks. That mix needs extra clarity so neither of us feels dismissed or blamed when plans wobble.
It helped to name what hurt (waiting with my kids, being told not to “push it”) and to ask for a simple fix (ask, don’t assume). He apologized, and I accepted. Relationships take work; this is the kind that makes us better.
In the future, I’ll keep saying yes plainly—and he’ll check in instead of deciding for me. That’s how we meet in the middle.
Here’s how readers might react to the “sure” standoff.
“‘Sure’ is yes. If he’s unsure, he needs to ask—especially when kids are involved.”
“Overthinkers don’t get to rewrite your words. Good on you for setting the boundary.”
“Glad he apologized. A quick ‘still good for 2?’ would’ve saved the day.”
Most would say the hurt made sense and the fix was simple: ask for clarity, don’t invent subtext, and own it when you assume wrong. Once the apology happened, the path forward looked solid.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Small words carry big weight when plans hinge on them. If “sure” feels vague to someone, the solution isn’t silent guesswork—it’s a quick question and a shared plan.
Respect is saying what you mean, and care is checking what you heard. Do both, and the door won’t stay waiting at 2.
What do you think?
Would you have been hurt too, or chalked it up to miscommunication? Share your thoughts below 👇
 assumed my “sure” meant “no” now I’m the one left hurt and frustrated (36f) is my reaction okay?){kind=link}
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