AITA for Telling My Ex’s Girlfriend to Stop Treating Me Like Her Surrogate?

A short rebound turned into a high-stakes boundary battle when I got pregnant with twins and my ex’s new/old girlfriend tried to claim my pregnancy as her own “non-traditional” journey.

I’m 29F. I dated Joe (30M) for three months; he left to get back with his ex, Kim (30F). Right after we split, I learned I was pregnant—twins. Joe was ecstatic: Kim has fertility issues, and he’s always wanted to be a dad. Getting back together wasn’t on the table, but he planned to co-parent while staying with Kim. From our first conversation, Kim said she’d be “involved” because she’d be the stepmom. That quickly turned into her making demands about my birth, feeding, and even what the babies should call her.

I told her I’d make the best choices for my body and my babies—then watched her hijack announcements, appointments, and even throw her own gender reveal without me.

Kim wanted a home birth, formula feeding so they could take the babies half the week, “one boy and one girl,” and for the kids to call her “Mama” while I’d be “Mommy.” She texted daily about my food and exercise and complained she couldn’t get maternity leave at her job. She even attended virtual genetic counseling in Joe’s place and tried to make it about her family history. When my 20-week scan allowed only one guest, Joe asked me to bring Kim instead of him. I refused.

“These are my medical decisions, my body, and my babies. You are not my intended parent—I’m not your surrogate.”

I posted a pregnancy announcement. Kim followed with her own: they were “expecting twins the non-traditional way” and “so blessed.” Then she threw a gender reveal without inviting me and announced a baby shower. I finally commented that the kids weren’t hers, that Joe had no custody or claim until birth, and that all communication would go through family court. I told Joe my mother would be my birthing partner and I wouldn’t see either of them until legal boundaries were set.

“Her mother even called insisting I ‘give her one of my babies.’ This isn’t The Parent Trap.”

Things escalated. I obtained an order of protection against Joe; later I secured one against Kim as well. I retained a lawyer, and—since custody couldn’t be set before birth in my state—I left the state to protect jurisdiction. After someone sent Kim my post, she showed up at my job, damaged my car, and broke office windows; she was arrested for criminal damage, trespassing, and child endangerment (I work with kids). Even after I moved, they harassed me again, but I gathered evidence and pursued charges and a restraining order where I now live.

🏠 The Aftermath

No more appointments with them. All contact is through lawyers and protective orders. My mom will be with me for delivery.

I relocated, documented everything, and set firm boundaries: no announcements, no events, no “claims” on the twins. Any future co-parenting will be court-ordered, not social-media-managed.

Kim’s arrest and the protection orders created a paper trail. I’m focused on a safe birth and stable home, not performing a “non-traditional” fantasy for the internet.

Pregnancy is not community property—and a stepmom title doesn’t override a mother’s consent.

I’m not trying to punish anyone. I’m protecting myself and my babies until a judge sets terms. That’s it.

💭 Emotional Reflection

Infertility grief is real, but it doesn’t grant ownership over someone else’s pregnancy. What began as “involvement” crossed into control—medical decisions, names, titles, and public narratives that weren’t hers to claim.

My boundaries weren’t cruelty; they were safety. Co-parenting requires respect, consent, and legal structure. Social posts and possessive language aren’t love—they’re pressure.

Reasonable people can empathize with Kim’s pain and still agree: the pregnant person decides. Courts, not Instagram, define custody and roles.

Commenters had strong takes on this one:

You’re not a surrogate. Step-parents are earned through respect—never demanded mid-pregnancy.

Document everything, move jurisdictions if needed, and let a judge set boundaries. Safety first for you and the twins.

Her throwing a gender reveal without the mother present says it all. NTA—hold your lines.

Most readers called it a clear NTA: protect your medical autonomy, secure legal help, and don’t engage with social-media theatrics. Empathy for infertility doesn’t erase consent.