AITA for Choosing My New Job Over Being a Groomsman—Then Accidentally Ending My Friendship by Posting About It?
When wedding expectations spiraled into control and resentment, I thought a new job would give me a break. Instead, it cost me my best friend—and, apparently, my entire friend group after his wife found my Reddit post.
I (29M) had been best friends with “Joe” since middle school. When he got engaged last year, he asked me to be a groomsman, and I said yes without hesitation. But once planning started, his fiancée—who I’d never been particularly close with—took over. Suddenly, we were getting demands: matching shirts, identical haircuts, paying into a destination bachelor party fund, and specific “photo-ready” grooming rules. The costs and control were overwhelming.
I wanted to be there for my best friend—but the wedding started feeling like a job I didn’t apply for, and the real job offer that came along might’ve been my subconscious escape hatch.
Three months before the wedding, I landed a job that required two weeks of out-of-state training leading right into the ceremony. I told him immediately and promised I’d still attend. He flipped, accusing me of choosing work over friendship and saying a “real friend” would turn the job down. I didn’t. Truthfully, I didn’t fight the training schedule that hard because I was emotionally checked out. I agreed to arrive the day before the wedding—meaning I’d miss the rehearsal and bachelor party. That’s when he told me if I couldn’t be there for everything, I was out of the wedding. A week later, I wasn’t a groomsman anymore.
“He said I chose a job over our friendship. I said he chose his fiancée’s control over reason.”
Months later, the tension lingered. Half our mutual friends thought I should’ve sacrificed for the wedding; the other half said the demands were absurd. I admitted I could’ve handled it better—been honest about feeling uncomfortable, tried harder to adjust work dates—but he could’ve been more flexible, too. I thought maybe time would heal it… until things imploded for real.
“He answered my call by asking if I’d been posting about him on Reddit. His wife saw it. Now I’m blocked everywhere.”
When I tried to call and apologize, he accused me of airing private drama online. His wife apparently recognized details from a post I made (this one) and showed him. He said I’d humiliated them and that if I “valued the friendship,” I wouldn’t have invited strangers to judge. Then he blocked me on every platform. She texted the other groomsmen calling me “trash-talking drama.” What was left of our friendship burned down in hours.
🏠 The Aftermath
Now we’re not speaking. My attempt at reconciliation backfired. Instead of closure, I’m the villain in their wedding story—and my old friends are divided over who’s right.
Looking back, I can see both sides. I prioritized my career but also avoided honest confrontation. He prioritized appearances but refused to bend. We both wanted support and got ultimatums instead.
What stings most is that posting here—just to process my guilt—became the nail in the coffin of our friendship. I didn’t name them or include identifying details, but it didn’t matter. They saw themselves in it, and that was enough.
Sometimes people don’t recognize themselves in your story until it hurts their image more than your feelings ever did.
Now I’m left wondering if venting online was a selfish move or just a coping one. Either way, it ended what was left of us.
💭 Emotional Reflection
Friendship and weddings often collide because expectations shift. He wanted loyalty; I wanted space. Neither of us communicated well. And by bottling my resentment, I turned it into a public confession that detonated everything.
In hindsight, weddings test relationships as much as they celebrate them. The people who stay calm through it usually survive; the ones who control or withdraw end up mourning something after the “I do.”
Reasonable people might say both sides failed—him for demanding perfection, me for retreating and oversharing. But I guess that’s how growing pains look when a lifelong friendship hits adulthood’s reality check.
Reddit users reacted with mixed emotions:
NTA for setting boundaries—but maybe next time, process privately before posting publicly. Internet catharsis comes at a cost.
Weddings bring out the worst control issues in people. You dodged a bullet—but you also shot the bridge on your way out.
You both failed the communication test. Doesn’t make you the villain—just human.
The consensus leaned toward “everyone sucks a little”: him for being controlling, me for bottling it up and then venting publicly. It’s a cautionary tale about boundaries, honesty, and how fast the internet can torch real-life ties.
🌱 Final Thoughts
I learned that avoiding confrontation doesn’t prevent conflict—it just delays the explosion. And once something hits the internet, you can’t control who reads it, even if it’s your own story.
He chose control; I chose distance. Maybe neither of us was wrong, but both of us lost something we thought would last forever.
What do you think?
Was posting online a betrayal, or just an honest attempt to heal? Share your thoughts below 👇
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