Caught My Boyfriend Masturbating to Gore — Now I’m Scared and Don’t Know What’s Real
After five years with a gentle, soft-spoken partner, one late-night discovery shattered everything I thought I knew. What I saw wasn’t porn—it was graphic gore—and the fallout has been terrifying.
I (26F) walked into our office late at night and found my boyfriend (28M)—the sweet, patient man who relocates spiders in a cup—masturbating to real-life gore videos. He didn’t see me; he was wearing headphones. I froze, turned around, and cried in the bathroom until I thought I’d be sick. Since then, I can’t look at him without feeling dread. I don’t know if my fear is rational, but I can’t unsee it, and I can’t shake the thought that I don’t know this person at all.
I left a note and fled to my brother’s because I didn’t feel safe sleeping next to him after what I saw.
For clarity: it wasn’t porn, BDSM, or anything sexual in that sense—it was unmistakable gore, people being severely injured or killed. I spiraled. I couldn’t sleep or eat and felt unsafe confronting him alone. I left a note and stayed with my brother. When I returned for a few things while he was at work, some of my belongings were trashed or missing, including sentimental items he knew mattered to me.
“I wish I could unsee it. I don’t feel safe, and I don’t know if that’s rational or not.”
Later, he showed up at my brother’s unannounced. When I confronted him, he cried and begged, saying he was “sick” and needed me to help him—then flipped to rage, backed me into a corner, and slammed his hand against the wall beside my head. He implied our cats wouldn’t be safe if I didn’t come home and threatened to harm himself. My brother intervened; the police were informed. He has since sent photos showing he injured himself and left countless voicemails begging me to return.
“He told me if I didn’t come home, he didn’t know what he might do… and that I would only have myself to blame.”
As far as I know, the cats are okay, but I don’t have them. They’re technically his, and I’m scared to go back alone. I’m staying with my brother, considering blocking his number, and trying to figure out next steps while I process that the man I planned to marry is not who I thought he was.
🏠 The Aftermath
I left our home, told him in a note, and went to my brother’s. After I briefly returned for essentials, I discovered some clothes tossed and personal items broken. He’s been calling nonstop and sending messages, shifting between apologies, pleas, and threats.
Police know the situation. I’m safe with family, but I still don’t have my cats. I’m weighing when and how to retrieve the rest of my things and whether he’ll let me take the cats with me.
I’m devastated and in shock—torn between memories of the gentle partner I loved and the person who cornered me, destroyed my belongings, and used fear to keep me close.
The life I thought I had ended in a single, awful moment—and every hour since has made it feel more final.
Right now, I’m focused on safety, space, and trying to accept that my future won’t look like the one I planned with him.
💭 Emotional Reflection
This isn’t a simple “difference in tastes.” It’s a rupture of trust and safety. Seeing a partner sexualize real violence is destabilizing enough; having that discovery met with manipulation, property damage, and intimidation made it impossible to pretend things could go back to normal.
Grief and fear can coexist. I can mourn the version of him I loved and still choose distance after what I saw and what followed. Sometimes the hardest part of a breakup is accepting that the person you knew may never have been the whole truth.
I don’t know what comes next. For now, I’m clinging to the basics: stay safe, get support, and protect what I can—myself, my future, and hopefully my pets.
Here’s how readers reacted to the discovery and the aftermath.
You did the right thing leaving when you felt unsafe—your gut was screaming for a reason.
The crying, then rage, then threats—that’s a cycle of control. Document everything and protect yourself.
I’m so sorry about your cats and your things. Prioritize safety first; the rest can be sorted with help.
Most readers expressed concern for OP’s safety, urging distance after the intimidation and property damage. Some noted the grief of losing a long relationship while still recognizing that the escalation and manipulative behavior crossed a line.
🌱 Final Thoughts
Sometimes a single moment reveals a truth you can’t ignore. Shock, grief, and love don’t erase fear—and fear is a valid reason to leave.
When the person you trusted becomes the source of dread, choosing yourself isn’t heartless—it’s survival.
What do you think?
Would you have left immediately, or tried to work through it? Share your thoughts below 👇
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